SAVIOUR

On the shingle of the buoyant sea...
I was standing like a jilted ship.
Which has anamnesis...
anemic like the detonation...
of the gust of a desert..

I was reckoning of snuggling death...
For I've witnessed...
It expels endless torment...
and proffers eternal amity...
with the laconism of immaculacy...

I closed my eyes...
to savor the last strand of mortal air...
and there i saw lucent...
levitating from somewhere in the vicinage...
and making me placid...

I turned back...
and saw an angel...
coming out of a goblet of divine light...
so lucid!!! so white!!!
In the stygian black sea...
like a pearl so bright...

I felt blessed, i felt salvation...
just a ken of her...
relinquished my suffocation...
She came closer...
I arched in devotion...
Without a morpheme from her lips..
she made me her votary...

She cleaved my hands...
looked in my eyes....
Caressed my hair...
and embraced me tight...
"Forsake death, your soul is here,
In my heart because i care..."

Her voice was sacred....
PURE as every drop of rain...
TRUE as the endurance of death...
CHASTE as the modesty of Sati...

Her aura made me forget everything..
I deluged...
in her suave ubiety...
and cried like a child...
in her arms...
wrapped around me...
To hedge me....
from the savagery of this world..
my lips parted only to intone...
"In the absurdity of this this mortal life,
Your latency gives me the temerity to fight.
you imbued me to live...
and to smile in plenary malady...
you made me complete...
As a deranged river....
Has found its rhythm again."

Solitariness

My inquest is still on...
to slake a drop of console...
Console!!! AH!! has long gone...
for the vindication...
I still marvel..
and left me in the billet...
for which..
even my soul....
jitters to befriend me...
and left me to be inscribed...
a living corpse...
with a smear soul...
yoked to it..
against its will..
just to endure....
the canon of the nature...

People whom I knew...
winnowed diffrent aisles...
and left me...
with arrant obscurity...
to which path...
should I convoy...
OH! just clumsy to cinch...
I was forced...
to live abandoned..
to cope up...
with the life...
for which....
even the deity...
feels a chime of atone...
for creating...


I am so buried....
I am so spliced...
I am so repressed...
to my own hems..
that I started abhoring...
the world...
crawling alien...
and trying to redicule...
my hurt semblance...

Oh! I am so desolate....
so shorn of life....
and it's becoming my praxis...
and keeps me preserved...
and sovereign...
with my solitariness...
The same solitariness....
as dwelling in the hopeless eyes...
of a chronic widow....

Why I am so Alone

Some time grimed memories...
still wondering...
Why I'm bereft of you...
Perceiving people..
Is what I'm getting acclimated...
And that heaves a colossal hollow...
Somewhere inside me...
ob-testing to be filled...
Daze of the sardonic truth...
That it is me only...
Who garners the seclusion cloak...
To accost an ambit...
Which keeps me shielded...

I feel the blessed tides of river...
tardily embrace the sea...
and become the rhythm of amity...
after sacrificing it's endurance..
I feel the cursed emotions of mine...
Revolving around me as imbued...
I nudge them back...
the keep coming back to me...
The invisible guise is sinewy...
To keep them from spreading their wings...
And tell the world outside...
That, the boy here...
Wants love, wants amore...
Wants his beloved for his reflection...
But whatever they squall...
They only find my ears to ascult...

I feel an urge to cry...
but the shoulder to rest my head on...
I found missing...
Giving up the chase...
Adoring death...
Might conclude...
But my heart's so supine for that...
It's only your aura which keeps me alive...
and the slant dimming hope...
that one blessed day...
you'll return to me completely.

Strive

an onerous inner self
Some Scratches on wall
comer iffy maims on body
eyes with tears
enough to whelm
the cosmos unabridged.
keeps you from smiling
makes the silhouette dead akin.
with you in every beseech.
eyes stitched to sky.
"Why me" try to justify.
try to catch and vanished
try to feel and offaled
the face always smiling
you see at your decree
Ah! everything, yet void
roads there, forgot walking.
memories haunting
life's subduing
days stringy
nights immortal.
luscious is what death feels.
strive to cope
death tows
try to end
grit succumbs.
no way in and no way out.
separation is what
all about.

Watchman

Its 4 am...
and i'm still sitting in my balcony..
seeing the park in hazy light....
Few coconut trees stand guarding the watchman...
OH!! may be the bottle of local wine possessed his senses...
Or the uncontrolled lousy slumber broke his old fences...
But after all he still is human and old....
His age retiring gesture compelled to work....
I often wonder if its Money he's lurking....
If i could see his eyes, I would tell....
He coughs sometimes, seems ill...
for all the labour and sweat in the hot summer afternoon...
he works at building sight in daylight.....
and guards night with age to fight...
between work he takes his nap...
Oh dear God, how strong is his heart...
en rooted self dependency in the age of crisis...
I can see he's awake and moving...
at this time when mortals are sleeping...

Those Pleading Faces

"Bhaiya ek magazine lelo......subah sei kuch nahi khaya" , I turned my head towards the childish intonation, a lank, malnutritioned boy of around 9 or 10 years was standing outside the auto with beseeching eyes in the parching sun. I took out a 20 rupees note from my bag and grabbed that 7 months older issue of "INDIA TODAY". He gave me a thankyou smile, I smiled back. He ran back towards his mother. I kept on seeing him till the light turned green and the auto started scraming further. The magazine was literally of no use to me but what I educed was a pungent satisfied feeling of visceral satisfaction.
Summers are quite irritatingly hot in Delhi. Practically untolerable one could say.....but for whom?????
The antiphon is quite simple, for the people like us and for "them".....SIMPLY DOESN'T MATTER.....their minds are indoctrinated only to think about, "HOW THEY ARE GOING TO SATISFY THEIR HUNGER IN THE COMING DAYS?" May it be the sweltering rancorousl heat of the summers or the blood congealing cold of the winters or whatever.....lets say the bandwagon of Anna Hazare's anti corruption Jan Lokpal Bill, one could find them with the same attire and with the same importuning expression on their innocent hunger walloped faces. Food is the cardinal consideration for such children and their siblings. We have " the right to free and compulsary education" for children of the age group of 6 to 14 years but the modes of actualizing it are amiss, infact nebulous. Its a denuded truth that most of the schemes and laws are implemented only on papers. In reality everyone knows where the funds are absconding? In providing education to these children?? In providing them " Mid Day Meals" ??.......A big "NO" to all these bullshit assumptions. The only point here is if the government has failed to improve the condition of these children why don't each one of us, individually, provide them with little help that could bring smiles back to their innocent faces?? Join hand friends. Take the first step and the world will follow you.

My Awful Dream

That eventide I was very woebegone, jousted with my daddy, sniveled my heart out. This is my diurnal cliffhanger. Ensuing the necrosis of my mom, daddy has vacillated skeptically. In the eventide I had a sweltered brannigan with my mother and my daddy was palliating her. He was au courant of the fait accompli that she was sacrilegious but he kept vituperating me. I was yammering.....yammering like purgatory...and when I wrangled to sway my daddy's phalanges, he vociferated, " DON'T YOU DARE TO TOUCH ME". I was like "Shocked"!!!! He was my Daddy. The person I venerated more than my vivacity, and, he was usurping my right to percuss him. The right a son gets from the stint he sally forth his vagrancy in this terrene. He went straight to his cubbyhole without taking a gander at my lachryma, my martyrdom. I craved for my Nani. I craved for her like hell.

That witching hour I had a very idiosyncratic and horrendous incubus. I saw a viaduct, a grotesque and prosaic viaduct. It seemed as if every single modicum of vivacity and exorbitance has relinquished the precinct. There was dysphoria and recreancy everywhere. I saw that I was so troglodytic and hopscotching on that viaduct rummaging for someone but was not cognizant of him. I had tears in my eyes, tears of my melancholy, tears of my writhe, tears of my solitariness and tears of perfidy. Suddenly, in a ridge of that viaduct I saw a boy. He was standing near a stave and gawking at me. I knew him but I fizzled to descry his visage. I skedaddled towards him. I tried to ask him but I couldn't aver. I had no voice.He then clinched my hand and we started to move towards the poky esplanade. Then suddenly he got evanesced and I was bemoaning and scampering ludicrously here and there without savoring why and where I was eluding. Then again I met a guy who was gabbling on phone and he dandled me. All of a sudden he vamoosed and left me to an obscure and eerie place. There was police all around and I was skedaddling and ululating. In the ingress I met a girl. She proffered me the thoroughfare of my commorancy. Again I met a guy in an incog place. He gave me room to tarry and assured me that he was going to help me in every adventitious demeanor. I was impoverish so I slept. I woke up after a while and corralled myself abandoned in a tenebrous room. I was unmitigatedly petrified and started running and sniveling and suddenly i found a gaunt road which was full of zombies. I was dismayed and fluttering. I felt like I was woozy. Then I discerned some Muslim children were helping me to get away from that grungy place. Few vestiges ahead I saw an apartment. That was nomenclatured as "LEELA APARTMENT". I went inside to eschewal and saw a dead girl laying fornent me. I got unhinged to death. I took many pills to desuetude this rigmarole. i felt anxiety.... breathlessness....I was going up to staircase....up up and up and suddenly I reached the terrace and I saw people from there, all of them, my family...friends...they were not craving for me. My Ex-Girlfriend was going out with another guy. I fainted. All my nerves were paining. I was forsaken and betrayed. I had no vehemence left in me. I saw the signboard of that apartment. "LEELA APARTMENT" was written in dark sky blue luminosity. I fell down from the terrace and when I opened my eyes I impelled absconding. I saw my Dad and called him and I got my voice back. But he was not ausculting to me. All my friends were assiduous with their life. I was shrieking their names but no one was devouring. It seemed as if whole world had gone deaf to my voice. I couldn't brook that. I fell on the ground....Lifeless.......

I woke up....transuding.....What a repellent dream. I opened the mullioned of my room for some neoteric zephyr...was quavering with fear and abhorrence. I was left alone in this rancorous and parsimonious world.